Becoming a Veteran at 24
Catalyzed My Path to Inner Peace
I loved the navy… until I didn’t... but then I did again (years later). It was a confusing experience for me. After graduating from the United States Naval Academy and then serving as a Surface Warfare Officer…
I got to the point where I felt misaligned.
I had been eager to live a life of public service, but after spending time in a warzone during the “War On Terror” and taking part in other operations I did not agree with, I knew the military was the WRONG environment for me, even though I enjoyed many other aspects of being a junior officer and being a student of leadership every day.
It was absolutely the right decision to leave all the violence BUT it was a PAINFUL transition…
Once out of the Navy I quickly found myself lost, confused, depressed, and even suicidal.
I didn’t know who I was… why I was… or what my purpose was…
What the hell was I supposed to be doing with my life?
I was numb when I woke up and sad when I went to sleep.
I didn’t have that fulfilling career I thought I would get (I was shifting from odd job to odd job in NYC). I didn’t have the relationships I wanted… and I didn’t have the focus I so desperately craved.
The only saving grace was my journaling practice.
In fact, I had been journaling, and examining my life, since I was a 13 year old boy. My parents got me a diary to encourage self reflection! My 5th and 6th grade teachers also held me accountable to that practice of self-reflection.
That ALWAYS helped… but it was just one piece of the solution.
As I kept seeking… I went from being a bartender to becoming a Teacher… with bouts of “micro-clarity”... followed by feelings of loss and yearning.
It was only when I met famed 20th century author Gore Vidal and was asked to become his personal assistant… that I learned how to find stillness, so I could surrender to my PURE Intuition.
Gore taught me how to judge a person’s character… how to see my own character, and understand how much integrity I really had. He was the first person who challenged me to consider my "wholeness" in a way that my ego did not instantly try to shrug off.
Things slowed down for me during that 2 year period… and when time slows down, emotions come up.
I journaled A LOT while spending time with Gore and learning how to hone my thoughts… how to separate outside influences from inner clarity.
One day, in the flow of writing, I wrote "Intuitive Integrity".
As soon as I wrote it I knew I had struck on something. I looked at the words and very quickly realized that Intuitive Integrity was what I was cultivating in myself by being so dedicated to my own deconstruction.
My rigorous practice of self-study was finding all the places that I was being inauthentic with myself. I was becoming excellent at discerning between psychological projection (a defense mechanism of the ego) and how I truly felt. It was often a humbling experience.
But that willingness to feel humility saved my life.
It also cultivated my ability to intuitively know how to make myself whole again; thus, Intuitive Integrity. My process of healing and surviving eventually gave way to joy and thriving.
My own journaling practice had evolved from serving me in a way that kept me alive (surviving) to turning my intuition into a superpower (thriving).
Maintaining a relationship with myself continues to reward me in ways I cannot anticipate.
But this I know: the insights I constantly realize from relationship with myself are what aspiring leaders are looking for.
There is great calm, presence, and confidence from knowing I can go into my journal and find creative solutions.
This is what I teach. Whether you are still in a mode of survival or well into thriving, Intuitive Integrity can be cultivated and implemented in a practical way. But you must be willing to be honest with yourself about ego and shortcomings, and you must learn to trust the guidance that we often label "intuition."
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If you're ready to learn exactly how Fabian can help you cultivate your own Intuitive Integrity... well, then it's time to speak to him! Click below to send Fabian a message or schedule a phone consult.Contact Fabian
"Working with Fabian is amazing. His love of journaling and helping people discover insights about themselves is so obvious when he's working with you. He makes sure you don't just understand what he's teaching but experience it. It's so unique these days to find someone who actually walks the talk of what they teach. Fabian is that kind of guy."
- Tim Wolf
- United States Naval Academy, class of 2003
- Former Surface Warfare Officer, United States Navy
- Assistant to Gore Vidal, 2008 - 2010
- Published Memoir, Gore Vidal's Last Stand, 2014, with foreword by Stephen Fry
- President of Vets Journey Home: California, 2017
- Cat Dad to Queso, 2015 - present